Fool For Her
by Amara Z
Summary: Pre-ESB. Han's thoughts about Leia during a meeting.


She has to be the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. And that's saying something. Believe me, I've seen a good share of gorgeous women in my time. And I don't mean the portside dollies you might pick up if you have some extra time planetside. I'm talking about the really beautiful, well off type that you hope to touch but are never really able to. They don't even compare. Not to her.

Yeah, you'd have to be blind or dead not to notice a woman like Leia Organa.

But those women aren't my type anyhow. Not really. I know some guys go for that kind of girl. They prefer the cultured, well-moneyed, well to do type. The nice little meal ticket that comes along with it. I usually only have one word for those kind of women – trouble.

Not that Leia hasn't been trouble in her own way. She's been confusing at best. But most women aren't like her. And certainly not those that are well to do. How many of them can handle themselves like she does? Able to take charge of a firefight? Or shoot a stormtrooper at 50 meters? She's very capable. And different that's for sure. There's something about her that has me fascinated and wanting to know her even more.

It's probably what's been keeping me coming around all this time. Gods, I must have it bad. Or be certifiably insane if I'm here hoping to catch a glimpse of her. It's the only reason to explain why I'm still here. Apparently I'm in deep.

Otherwise, why would I be at a meeting? Why would I, a lowly smuggler, need to be at a meeting let alone attend one willingly? I'm definitely a go by the seat of the pants than a planning kind of guy. It's not like I'm ever invited. And I'm hardly an official member of this group I'm running with these days. I don't need to be mixed up in this at all. And I'm probably more the idiot for staying. As I've told Chewie repeatedly. But here I am. Knee deep in it with this ragtag team of Rebels and barely a day goes by when I don't ask myself why.

Actually I already know why. It's the same reason I'm at this Gods-awful meeting. The same thing that has motivated me over the last three years. Well, that didn't involve Chewie or the _Falcon_.

At least I'm on the right side of things with the Rebels even if I'm not on the right side of the law. According to Chewie that is. But it still doesn't make it any easier. I'm a hostage and I can't help it. I couldn't stay away. Not if I tried.

It's because of her. Always and irrevocably because of her, the Princess of Alderaan.

I'm standing in my usual spot at the back of the room. I wouldn't want them to think I'm part of all of this by sitting down and actually joining in. But I can at least stand here and pretend to listen. Well, sort of. One of the many commanders they have running around this place is speaking and I probably only hear about half of it. The guy next to me whispers something to me and I chuckle accordingly, doing what's right in the situation. But I play him off rather quickly. I tend to keep my attention focused on other things. There's really only one reason I'm here.

She couldn't hide if she tried. Not from where I'm at. That's the other part I like about this spot. I can see almost everything from here, including her. I swear the girl never fidgets. She'll shift a little, reposition herself, but mostly she sits there listening intently as if the fate of the Rebellion depends on every word.

My gaze flits over to her occasionally as I watch her without appearing like I am. I try to look as nonchalant as I can, but I feel anything but. And as I listen partially to what is said, my eyes are keyed into her every move. I watch carefully as her fingers brush across her neck and cheek, pushing a stray tendril behind her ear. I swallow hard as she strays a bit deeper into her hair in an attempt to push the offending strand back into place. As always I wonder what it would be like to touch her like that. To nuzzle her, to kiss just behind her ear, right along her hairline. How would that be? Would she moan? Whimper? Would she grab me and hold me to her? And I wonder for the millionth time exactly what it would take to melt her, even a little bit.

I have to shift lest I give myself and my _interest_ away and I attempt to focus on the speaker for a moment. It allows me a chance to cool down. I want her. I can't deny it and it's a fact my body likes to remind me of almost every time I see her.

As the commander rambles on, I'm a bit surprised she hasn't spoken yet. A lot of times this is her show and she has items to review and will speak at length. Always something about logistics, a new defensive strategy, or a mission. Sure enough after a few more moments, it's her turn and she takes her place in front of the group. All 150 centimeters of her and she eyes everyone with a certain air of authority. You wouldn't think someone so small would be so imposing. Even the old, seasoned pilots are paying attention. They might ask questions and give her a bit of a hard time, but they listen to her, defer to her. It's pretty obvious. And the way her eyes sweep over us, you can tell she means business. Everyone seems to sit a little straighter in their chairs and all eyes are focused on her.

She is impressive without a doubt. And yet looks relaxed doing it. It makes her seem like she's part of the whole, but not really. It's as if there is something about her that puts her above us in a way that none of us can see. And adds more to the complication and mystery of her. As I watch her and think of the possibilities, I cross my arms and let my gaze drift. I know what I told Luke so long ago. How I egged him on. I'd love to think that something, _anything_, between us is possible. And maybe it is. But it's hard to believe there's any chance of a princess with a guy like me. I know the score. She is well off and royalty and I'm a guy with only two credits to my name that I owe to someone else. I'd have a better chance of opening a hot springs resort on the frozen plains of this planet than get the Ice Princess to warm up to me. She's made that clear.

But that certainly hasn't stopped me. Or my involuntary physical reaction to her. I almost can't help myself and it's starting to drive me crazy. I wish I could leave the whole situation alone. But as many times as I've wanted to walk away, for my sake and hers, I can't.

Her voice breaks through my thoughts, dragging me out of them, and I hear her ask for volunteers for a new mission. An easy pick-up by the sound of it. Chewie and I have done similar ones in the past and before I even know what I'm about, I raise my hand indicating I'll take the job. Gods, I must be a glutton for punishment. I've let them suck me in again and I shake my head. At least Chewie will be happy to get off planet for a while.

She doesn't say anything in reply to me accepting the mission . Merely nods in acknowledgement. I'm not thrilled by her lack of reaction, but sadly I'm used to it. I kind of like it when I can get some type of rise or response out of her. But all I normally get is a level of aloofness. Not exactly sure what I expect her to do though. I dunno. A kiss would work. Or a roll in the sheets. Doubt that would happen, but, hey, a guy can hope.

The meeting comes to a close and people begin to shuffle out of the room. I'm in no hurry and stay towards the back waiting for it to clear out a bit. Leia is surrounded by people as usual and as I make my approach, someone else is still talking to her.

She breaks off long enough to address me and we assume our typical, awkward standoff and pleasantries, both of us trying to pretend this doesn't mean more than it is. She quietly offers her thanks for my help on the mission and it's a start, but I can't help feeling it's still a bit detached and cold. Just another day at the office for her. I grumble something about it not being a problem. I ask for the info on the mission and she goes fishing in one of her folders for the disc. I want to accept things as they are. To not let it get to me, but it does.

But as she hands the data disc to me, she smiles. It's just a quiet, small smile, but Gods, that smile. I'd pay anything to keep putting it there. As I continue to look at her, I can see it. I can see the smile reach her eyes, making them light up. They almost glow and warm to me a little. Just a little. And it's enough to hook me and have me tumbling all over again. Eventually though the moment is over and other people are clamoring for her attention. She gives me one last look before turning away.

I stifle a sigh as I stuff the disc in my pocket and make my way to the door. It's hard not to feel resigned to my fate. This may be as good as it gets. But I know I'd do it all over again. I'm nothing if not a deluded fool. A fool for her.

* * *

**A/N: ****If you are wondering what is behind this story, check out Too Bad You're So Beautiful by Duran Duran (on their album All You Need Is Now).**


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